sometimes a stepparent has to take a step back. when i was thirty¬five, i met my husband and came to __1__ his kids, aged 10 and 7. we __2__playing basketball and shopping for cartoon books and became great friends. then i got __3__. in most __4__， stepkids live with their mom and stepdad.this makes our case quite __5__. four years into our marriage, after going between their mom's place and ours, the boys __6__ in with us full¬time. i was __7__ a part¬time friend, so everything changed.for example, __8__ the kids to help didn't appear an important thing before, but now they became unwilling. once, after i'd asked my elder stepson to set the table, he __9__ said, “you're not my mother; i don't have to __10__ you.” it was __11__ but i realized it was about keeping __12__ clear in our new family life. i told him he was right—i wasn't his mom; i was another person in his life who __13__ him, and we needed to get things done __14__. __15__ in a live¬in situation, a stepparent isn't the parent. you help with everything and __16__ lots of hugs and laughs. but you also have to learn to stand in the __17__. for example, when there were only enough __18__ for mom and dad to sit up front, i sat in back. it was hurtful, but i realized it wasn't personal. today, my stepsons know where to find me, whether it's for long chats or a(n) __19__ e¬mail to say hi. and i know where to find them. the caring is surely there, even if the __20__ isn't.
